April 22, 2004

I baked three batches of brownies last night. Organic, sugar-free, sugar-filled. We all know which ones tasted best.

I went permanent at The Contract, so it should now be called The Job

The only thing I want to say about this is that it is amazing how expensive it is to work full-time.

Every day, I sit outside near the woods by our building. It helps, a little.

I had a revelation

This was an Adam Sandler induced revelation. I watched 50 First Dates and suddenly all of my memories of living in Hawaii were flooding me, vivid and real. For a few days, I ached from it. Then last night it occurred to me that my years of refusal to visit or discuss Hawaii outside the parameters of nostalgia had cut me off from the benefits I had gained from living there.

Today, I strive to behave like the girl I would have been had I never left. Not only is she a girl I respect and love, she is also the one I understand the best. It is like discovering I am homosexual – learning who I really am and learning to live fully in myself.

Turns out, I’m a goddamned hemp-wearing vegan-eating flower-sniffing hippie, and I’m learning to go with it.

This summer, I hope to help a woman in Topeka finish her cob house. I am terribly excited.

Next summer, I hope to WWOOF on Maui. After almost fifteen years, my thoughts are turning toward home.

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