1) Native Midwesterners are completely incapable of pronouncing the word “Chipotle”.
2) I should really stop reading the blog by the “expat” who lives an hour north of Washington and talks about how everything in America seems so foreign now that she’s Canadian. That’s like if I wrote a blog about the strange explorations I conduct in the mystical realm known as “Kansas” which is five minutes away on foot.
3)This new cubicle, the one they moved me to with no warning, the one right in the lobby – I don’t know what I’m being punished for, but I sure fucked up. I mean, I felt a little vindicated after I marched the CEO into my new space and forced him to “pretend like you’re concentrating REALLY HARD on a math problem” while the noise of eighty claims support operators rises like a tidal wave over the grey burlap walls, and the incessant buzzing of the door intercom and the damned receptionist five feet from me who answers a new call every five seconds at the top of her voice. It felt nice to make the president play “let’s pretend”, but I notice I am still sitting here, so it obviously didn’t work.
And spending the last thirty minutes listening to my cubemates argue over who is going to “Chi-poltay” to pick up lunch has not endeared me to this spot.
P.S. Please send help.