just because

February 9, 2004

I talked to my Mamma for a couple of hours last night. I had forgotten her birthday, which I think is unconscionable, but is also par for the course for every single birthday of hers that I have been alive for. So it isn’t as though I wasn’t meeting expectations. Honestly, I have always thought it was the last day of February, but come to find out, it is the last day of January. So my February 9th phone call is not early and hopeful, but late and pitiful.

We talked for ages, as always, about my little sisters, me, her, life, my grandfather’s (her ex-husband’s) upcoming wedding, my mother’s new husband (whom I have not met or really spoken to) and other things. I am a little worried about her. She just seemed sort of…absentminded. Not at all senile or elderly or anything like that, just a little distracted. I know she’s had a hard winter, and it has been in the back of my mind for a few weeks, but I have been self-absorbed and not contacted her since Christmas. My aunt’s birthday was five days ago, and I forgot it as well, though I try to call Mamma that day every year and see how she is doing. Cathy died eight years ago, but it hasn’t gotten easier for me. I can only imagine how it is for Mamma.

Anyway, after our hours-long phone call, I went to bed to dream of my sisters. The dreams were long and tense and involved, and as usual, the girls were about four and six years old in my dream. I had to carry the youngest, as we were all ill, and around us, cars were crashing impressively and repeatedly while I sought some place safe to set her down.

I was rescued by a cheerleader in an SUV. I got the girls into the vehicle, but I didn’t make it in before I woke up.

Yesterday was actually busy at the café. We had customers all day long. Hurray for us! I work tonight, as I switched my schedule around a bit, so I’m looking forward to it.

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