February 20, 2004

It was positively warm today.

I am anxious, so I am hovering between tasks, not accomplishing anything, but surfing diligently and without purpose. I know I’m just freezing up because I have so much to do, and because I’ve been way overcaffeinating, which is a huge “trigger” to use an oft over-used phrase.

But it’s all within my control. I will either sleep early and well, or not at all. I promised NFC a design to look at tomorrow, and while I theoretically only have two hours work to do on it, I am finding new and interesting ways of not doing it. I sat out in the balmy night and ate a chocolate bar on my deck.

To cheer myself up- a list of likely bonuses that will result from taking this contract:

1) I always have great ideas when I’m at the office. This is how my brain works. If I decide I am “supposed” to be doing something, my brain wants to do something else. Rhythms was conceived while I was working on Lexus’ website, and while I was at b2b. I got into Polaroids while I worked at Epson, because the techniques were quick enough that I could do images on my breaks and after work. Then I tried and failed at a web store while at Epson as well – the response was good, I just wasn’t into it. So I moved to the Midwest instead.

2) I will have money. I may have a certain disregard for the luxuries that money can bring, but I am very tempted by art supplies and computer equipment, so I’ve taught my brain to think of money as “artsuppliesandcomputerequipment” and suddenly I’m just as motivated by cash as everyone else.

3) I can save to buy land, and invest in my business. I can save to buy land, and invest in my business. Repeat this mantra until it is firmly burned on the brain.

4) My lifelong dream has been to find a quiet place to write and draw, where no one ever bugs me. This is not compatible with some of my other dreams, but they’ll work out.

5) It means watching the seasons change, sitting under the sky, sweating my ass off working in the garden and then eating the fruits of my labors. It means building my house, getting acquainted with the local flora and fauna, and sipping iced tea outside while I laze through my yearly reading of Jane Eyre.

6) I can start printing my books. First, I need to finish writing them, but hey, at least I’ve STARTED writing them…

7) Um….maybe I could travel somewhere again someday?

Okay, I’m running out of things to add to my list. I’m going to try and make myself work now.

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